This thought process was a seed planted be James Altucher who wrote Choose Yourself.
It’s ok to say no. No, I’m not going to do that for you. No, I’m not going to deal with your behavior anymore. No.
Why is it so hard to say no? I thought my kids and husband were the most important things in my life, but when thinking about past actions, I said yes to someone taking food out their mouths.  I didn’t tell a person no when she asked for a favor though she had a job, her significant other had a job, and she could readily pay for what she was asking me to pay for. She took the money I used to feed my family with, and I let her because I said “Yes.” So not saying “no” has actually been the most important priority to me… Scary!
My ex-husband asked me to give him money.  He does not help me financially take care of my daughter.  He tries to get away with taking as much as he can without giving anything.  He is financial stable, and he asked me to give him money.  You’d think, “Dude, life is giving you an easy no.  Just say it.  What’s the hold up?”  I still haven’t answered him.  My brain says he has to know the answer, so I don’t need to give him an answer.  I’ll just ignore him, and it’ll go away (very rarely does it ever go away.)  He has to know the answer, right?  He has to know how ridiculous he is for even asking, right? Well, what he does know is I don’t like to give that answer.  What he does know is that I’ll wiggle and squirm and then finally give in.  It should be so easy to stand up and say, “No.”  Don’t give any excuses.  Don’t give any reasons.  Just, “No, I will not do that,” and leave it at that.  But yet, I still haven’t given him an answer.
I was trying to figure out why I was holding on to this anger with different people.  I don’t like to hold on to it.  It makes me feel ugly and dark inside.  It works it’s way into everything I do, everything I am. So I went searching inside myself for the problem.  I figured out what was at the core of the anger, but instead of letting go, I still held on.  I was deathly afraid to let go.  I would rather be angry and it eat at me and make me miserable than to let them close again.  By letting them close, I would have to learn to say no to them. I did not realize how much power I had given these two letters.
You can’t escape the lessons you need to learn in this life. No matter how you try to hide and protect yourself from having to be uncomfortable and do what you don’t want to do, life will keep pushing. The same lesson a different face. I look back and see how each thing I should have said no to was ridiculous and should have been an easy no. Life was giving me an easy out, but I let fear take over.  It seems every face life puts on for this lesson is getting easier so it’s not a giant leap but just a baby step.  I also see the things I did say no to, due to saying yes to the others, were more important than those I didn’t. So will having this knowledge make me strong enough to face my fear and put my real priorities first?  I guess we’ll see the next interaction with my ex.